The Stars Must Be My Friends To Shine On Me

June 2021

It has been night every day recently. No one walks the streets around my home. I hear cars: usually loud ones, screaming by at unimaginable speeds. I can not fathom where they are coming from, or where they are off to. It’s night time; there’s no knowing what anyone is up to.

I sit on my balcony and I watch everything be. It’s night time; there’s not much doing. There is an awful lot of being. The air is crisp. The grey of the asphalt gains an eerie quality, lit only by lights that shine a bright orange. The world is black, blue, and orange.

Most evenings, I see the crows pass by in great swarms. Crows are funny like that – it’s common enough to see one or two crows around, but every once in a while, you’ll find fifty or sixty all gathered in one tree. At night, they are always traveling north. I don’t know why.

I’m waiting for someone, is why I’m out here. They said they would return at night. They have not returned yet.

That’s okay. I will wait forever.

This morning, I saw a man on the street just after sunrise. I had been awake all night. I was walking to the convenience store to buy a coffee and a baked good. I had chosen to eat that day. I turned the corner outside my apartment and there he was, leaning against a wall, with one foot on the ground, and one pressed against the cement. He was wearing sunglasses. He looked cool. I was startled by the fact that such a cool-looking person was standing so near to my apartment. He seemed as if he was from a different world.

It was warm, even though the sun had just risen. There was no breeze to belay the warmth. I was still wearing my bedshirt, with a pair of shorts that I had picked up off the floor. As I walked past, I thought about my hairstyle. I thought about my bare legs. Usually, I do not mind going to the convenience store at such a time, with semi-stubbly legs and hair poking this way and that. I live exclusively at night; no one means anything to me. However, seeing such a cool person out on the street during such a time — a time when I usually had the street to myself — made me feel guilty for my lack of care. I could have put in some effort, I thought, and come out looking just as cool as this guy. But I had not. In my mind, I said, “This is because I don’t respect the world enough.”

I bought my coffee, and I bought a cheese bun. The cheese was like a paste. It scared me, but I ate it anyway. When I walked home, the man was gone.

I spent the morning making bracelets by threading string through multicoloured plastic beads. I made almost a hundred. I piled them all up on the living room floor. I pored through the pile, determining which one was my favourite. I put my favourite one on my left wrist. I spent the rest of the morning taking apart the other bracelets. I fell asleep on the floor as the sun reached its apex.

I was awoken by my phone. It was ringing. I didn’t answer. I let it go to voicemail, and fell asleep again.

When I woke again, it was dark out. I remembered the call, and checked my voicemail. The voice sounded much like a bird, and it said only, “I love you.” I looked down at my left wrist, pleased with the bracelet. I went outside and sat on my balcony. The cool air knocked the sleepiness out of my eyes. The crows were all gone. I had overslept.

Four or five stars glimmered in the sky. The city lights hid the rest from view. If I rested my eyes on a particular location, three our four more would appear dimly, but as soon as I focused, they would disappear again.

I heard movement. A man was walking around in the parking lot below. He was staring down at the ground as if looking for something. "Hey!" I called down.

He looked up and waved, timidly.

"Do you need a flashlight?" I asked. "You won't be able to see anything. There's no moon, and the streetlight's burnt out."

He looked up and down the side of the building. I reached back into my kitchen, and turned on the light. "I'm up here," I said.

He lifted a hand against the light. "I don't need that light," he said. He had a soft voice. He obviously struggled to raise his voice loud enough to reach me.

I turned the light back off. "Sorry, I should've warned you."

He just waved his hand from side to side. He turned back, and continued pacing, eyes to the ground. I scanned the area for anything that might belong to him, but it was too dark. There was nothing to see. I sat down, and the railing blocked my view. I could still hear his feet shuffling on the pavement, scattering tiny pebbles across the parking lot.

A few cars raced down the street behind.

I peered over the railing. The man was on his knees, beside the dumpster. He was scratching his hands against the pavement, as if trying to dig a hole. Strangely enough, he was digging a hole. Chunks of asphalt were piling up around him. I watched as his head sunk deeper and deeper into the ground. I went inside, put on my shoes, and hurried down the stairs and out the door into the parking lot.

I approached the digging man from behind. I could just barely see his outline against the dumpster. His fingers made a harsh sound as they scraped against the dirt. I looked back around. There were no lights on in any of the surrounding apartment buildings.

A light suddenly burst forth from the hole. The man did not flinch, but instead kept staring directly down at where the light was coming from. I took a few steps to the side, to try to see around him. He straightened his back, and sat straight up on his knees, holding a shining object in his hand. I could not make out its shape. It was too bright.

He held it up, above his head. The object fizzed loudly, and then the light went out, with a pop. The parking lot was once again lost in darkness. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face.

Gradually, a soft blue light revealed my surroundings. The man was gone. As was the dumpster. I turned around to see my balcony, and my apartment, floating in the air. All else was gone. The sky was filled with stars, more than I had ever seen. There was almost not a speck of darkness across the entire sky. They were not only bright, but they also brought with them a warmth; a gentle warmth, as if I was being caressed by the air around me.

I looked down at my wrist and saw that my bracelet was gone. I smiled. I waved my hand in the air, and the stars smiled back. Slowly, my apartment building faded back into sight. I climbed the stairs and sat down in my living room. I looked at my phone. I had a voicemail. After a few seconds of silence, there was a faint, whispered, murmur. I recognized the voice.